Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
