Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
