if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
