I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
