Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
