My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Randomize
