My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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