Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
