officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
