How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
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