Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
