Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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