Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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