I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
