Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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