What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize