I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
