So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just made my gag reflex go away.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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