Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
