Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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