Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
