She is in my trunk
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
