im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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