I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
