I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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