I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
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this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
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I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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