Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
