help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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