Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You are a genius and a whore.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
