YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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