I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
