...so i touched it.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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