hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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