Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
