OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
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It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
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I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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