my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
