This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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