I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
