last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Two words: blizzard sex
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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