i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
