I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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