she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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