We're facebook friends in real life
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
