I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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