god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
