I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize