u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
