My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
