Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
