I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
