I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
