That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Operation Purity has been aborted
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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