i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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