we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
