So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Who died my cat blue again?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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