I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
