thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
