a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
