Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
