I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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