i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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