covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
