A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
