So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
