Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
