i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
