her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm both gender and math confused
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