im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
i think my cat just said my name.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
