words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
