Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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