I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
