Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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